sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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