Four minutes until I can fart!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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