I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
