my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
