I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
