Where did you get a picture of my penis
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
