Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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