we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
