i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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