Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
