If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
3 2 1 whiskey
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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