You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
