There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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