She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I will be naked everywhere
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
