i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
