slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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