Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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