This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
