There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
