I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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