Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
