guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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