You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
