dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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