Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We need a shit load of segways right now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
