just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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