I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
