I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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