one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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