i just wanna soil my oats bro
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
