During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
