Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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