3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That's intense
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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