MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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