I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
