I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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