I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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