i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
