Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
