Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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