Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize