if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
