so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and she was petting her beer can
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
