I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
