Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
