I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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