love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
