fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
