its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
