That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
