so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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